Hour of Power - Articles

Author: Queen of Apathy

The Top Ten Things a Guy Should Look for in a Girl

Let's get down to business. It's about time someone with boobs had something to say on this site. Wait a minute...ok it's about time someone with a vagina had something to say here... and besides why in the world would I let the guys have all the fun?

10. A nice ass. Hell yeah, I went there. A girl has to have a nice ass or else what they hell are you going to grab? Yeah, I guess there are other things, but when it comes down to it...guy like asses...they just do. Some like bigger, some like smaller....with guys size matters...Of course girls would never take size into consideration...

9. Their own life. I know, I know, this should be a given. But seriously, who wants to be with someone that has nothing better to do than follow you around. It sounds nice, but get a damn dog. I don't shit in your front lawn or lick my own ass, so I'm certainly not going to follow at your heels all day. Who needs that? Guy time is essential, and a girl that realizes this is priceless.

8. Money. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. You can't be a man unless you pay for everything? Yet you bitch and moan that having a girlfriend means going broke? Be serious. A girl can pay for her beer. Hell she can pay for yours. She can pay for your penis enlargement as well. That's love.

7. Extra pillows. This is essential. It doesn't sound like it until you are drunk off your ass looking for a place to crash. Or better yet you've just gotten lucky and now want to sleep it off. Are you going to rest your head on her precious teddy bear? I fucking doubt it. Buck up and admit you need a pillow to slobber and snore all over.

6. Hair-holding ability. Listen closely this is key. Some girls can hold someone else's hair while they puke. It's ok. But I guarantee if she is willing to hold someone's hair while they are praying to the porcelain god, not a lot grosses her out...if you know what i mean....

5. Beer. A good gal always knows a good beer. I'm not talking your silly girly drinks, I'm talking beer. 100% beer. Barley, malt, grains, yeast, hops. Hey, you're more than likely going to have to be the one that goes to the bar for the drinks. If you want to walk back with an unbrella in your glass, that's your own fault.

4. Sense of humor. This could not be more fucking cliche I know. But...your mind thinks it's funny when you fart or burp. You were wired that way. She may not be. A girl with a real sense of humor just might be able to take you in your burping contests.

3. Imagination. Sounds silly I know. But think about it. She just might have to pretend that you are NOT that asshole who is constantly drunk, has no money, and is possibly lacking in the sack. In her dellusional world, you are perfect. Lucky bastard.

2. Ability to watch movies. This is simple. Check. Is the bitch asleep? Did she leave to get a manicure? Or did she really just ask you whether or not the empire has captured the rebel base?

Last but not least...

1. Boobs. I believe that one word would pretty much sum it up, but what the hey...I'll give an explaination anyway. Once again, size matters to guys. That being said, you know if you had them, you wouldn't leave the house...you'd be too busy playing with them and staring the mirror and all sorts of crazy shit. A girl is just easier. Wouldn't it be nice to have a set of boobs around once in a while?

Hell, if you want my advice, go with a blow-up doll. It's simpler, cheaper, and you can flatten her and stick her under the bed when your mother is coming.

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