Hour of Power - Articles

Author: Hacim

Spring Break Recap: Volume One

Let’s face it. Take away all the beaches, beer, and hot chicks in bikinis and Spring Break is basically all about one thing….friends. Ok, now quickly put back the beaches, beer, and bikinis before I lose interest in this topic. Spring Break is all about hitting the road with the dudes. The term “dudes” refers to all of your male friends at school and a few of your close “female” friends who you’ve finally given up on trying to sleep with. It’s amazing, but when you spend your senior year sleeping through sophomore level classes you never stop to realize that a weeks worth of sunny beer-induced freedom (and vomiting) is only three tanks of gas away. Spring Break is a time when you can trade in essays for sun rays...where you can trade in chem labs for keg stands...and where you can trade in masturbation for…well, you’re still probably gonna do that.

Nothing reveals the true depths of a friendship like a week long period of close sleeping quarters. Cause, why even sleep on the floor if you can’t do it, two feet away from a snoring, wheezing 350+ lb. fleshy walrus of a man. This is where conflict resolution splits down the gender line. Women, will no doubt find a peaceful way to map out a living room floor so that not only everyone is given a comfortable amount of sleeping space but also one that smells of jasmine or various melon scents. When it comes to sleeping arrangements, men have their own way of distributing floor space. The first step is to clear a large amount of floor space in the center of the room. The second step is to inflate any and all air mattresses and place them in the middle of the room. Step three differs from culture to culture, but it’s basically just a free-for-all wrestle-mania death match that awards the last man standing with his sleeping location of choice. After defeating all of his friends, the champion is free to lay claim to any sleeping spot in the house. Of course, for our Spring Break wrestling Champion, the fourth and final step in this process was getting plastered and passing out on the front lawn. That’s just the way guys are. When it comes to petty conflicts and unimportant decision making, something in us (probably alcohol) brings us to a mutual solution involving Greco-Roman wrestling.

But it really doesn’t matter where you sleep, when you go through a keg of beer in one night, you’re gonna feel like shit in the morning whether you slept in a Hilton, or if you slept with your face in a litter box. It just doesn’t matter. One way or another at the crack of noon you’re going to fall into a hangover related mini-coma behind the wheel in a Taco Bell drive thru. You’ll awaken to an under educated thirty year old woman who wants to know how many hard and/or soft tacos you want in the four Grande Meals you forgot that you had ordered. My advice to you: Keep the receipt. That way you don’t have to think about any of that shit when you wake up in that drive-thru tomorrow morning.

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